Surprise weddings have had something of a resurgence in recent years or, as New York Times Style put it, a “moment.”
Okay, so what exactly is a surprise wedding?
It’s simply one where the bride and groom (and maybe a select few people) are in on the fact that they’re getting married. Sometimes only the bride and groom know, but often their parents and/or a few close friends will be in on the secret too.
A day is chosen, an excuse is invented, and guests are invited. When they show up, they find out that they’re actually at your wedding!
Table of Contents
1. Why Throw a Surprise Wedding?
Let’s start with why throwing a surprise wedding ceremony could be a great way to go.
Save Money
Weddings usually involve a lot of stress and cost. There’s the wedding planner, the cake, the invitations, the venue, and on and on. A surprise ceremony lets you avoid a lot of the costs associated with your wedding, while keeping in what you want.
Since you and your beaux will be the ones planning it, you don’t need to hire an expensive planner. You also might not have a lot of guests coming, so you could go with a smaller or more unconventional venue that won’t be as heavy on your pocketbook.
Opt for smaller appetizers or meal options instead of a fancy, sit down dinner or reception with a massive cake and really save some cash.
Take the Pressure Off for Everyone
If you want to make it fancy, by all means do it up, but a lot of people who have a surprise wedding dispense with the formal attire. Dress codes can be relaxed, especially if you want a certain theme.
Since guests won’t know they’re attending a wedding, they may not show up dressed to the nines, either. Because everything is being kept low-key, the focus will be on the ceremony itself, the revelation to the family and friends, and not on things like the cake or venue.
Plan Without Well-Meaning Interference
Your parents and friends love you, so it’s no surprise they want to help out with your wedding ceremony. But doing so, even if they mean well, can cause a lot of unintended stress for the bride and groom. Planning the ceremony in secret means you won’t have to try and appease anyone’s choice of napkin or invitation or table favors, and you still get to have them all there for support on the day.
We really wanted our loved ones to arrive and have an element of surprise and excitement and so came up with the idea of having a surprise wedding.
“We were initially talking about how we wanted something low-key and even toyed with the idea of going away to get married, but quickly realized that we wanted our loved ones there when making our special commitment to one another,” IT account director Tiffany Jane Harrison told Harper’s Bazaar. “We really wanted our loved ones to arrive and have an element of surprise and excitement and so came up with the idea of having a surprise wedding.”
Avoid Constant Wedding Chatter
Secret weddings usually happen soon after the engagement, so the secret has less time to get out. That means you aren’t constantly answering questions from family about the ceremony (or awkward talks about grandchildren).
You also won’t have to deal with the stress of social politics that sometimes goes along with weddings. No one will wonder why you sat them at the farthest table or why they got put next to that relative they haven’t spoken with in years if they pick their own seats.
2. How to Pull Off a Surprise Wedding?
If seeing these reasons is making you consider a surprise ceremony for your wedding, here are a few tips on how to actually make it happen.
Keep it Soon After the Engagement
Because you won’t need a lot of time for planning, and you’ll most likely be keeping the secret among just the two of you, it’s best to have your ceremony sooner rather than later. The more time that passes, the more likely it is that someone could find out, or something could accidentally slip and ruin the surprise.
Confirm Guests Will Actually Come
Whatever excuse you make up to get all the right people in one place on the day, make sure it’s important-sounding enough to get them to show up. Usually people go with an engagement party, but you can also center the surprise around another important occasion you know friends and family are less likely to skip out on.
Since you aren’t telling people it’s a wedding, you’ll also want to add a little (or a lot) of extra encouragement to make sure they get there. Let them know how important it is to you that they make it, as some people may be flying in to attend.
Crafting your own mock invitations with details of the “event” and some specific instructions can be a great way to ensure guests actually show up.
Capture the Moment
You’ll want to capture the day anyway, but the surprised reactions of your guests will be especially great to remember. One couple installed a video camera at the entrance to their venue to record guests faces as they read the big sign proclaiming they were actually showing up to a wedding.
Surprising your loved ones with your ceremony will make your wedding day one people can talk about and look back on for years as a fun, fond memory.
Talk with your photographer about the best way for them to remain covert until the big reveal, so they can help you capture just the right moments.
Hand Out an Outline
You might want to give guests a plan for the day, once they find out the surprise. A notebook to write well-wishes in (since people probably won’t have anything prepared) is good, as well as advising them not to leak the secret on social media. Nothing will kill the surprise for late guests like your aunt’s well-meaning Insta post.
3. Keep These Caveats in Mind
A surprise ceremony can be a lot of fun, but before you plan one, make sure you know what you’re getting into. A few things may have to be given up for the sake of the surprise:
- Bachelor/bachelorette parties won’t be able to happen, although, in many cases the bride or groom’s friends will take them out after the wedding.
- Family members that would’ve wanted to help might feel a little hurt about not being included in the ceremony. Hurt feelings are usually forgotten after they witness the joy of the occasion.
- Wedding gifts might be pretty sparse as people won’t be expecting to bring a gift.
- More of the planning is on you, and whomever you decide to include in the secret. While this type of ceremony involves less planning, it could still be a lot to take on.
One of the things that makes this a great idea is that you can be as creative as you want, so have fun with it! Now that you’ve got a better idea of what goes into a surprise wedding, you’re ready to plan your own! Don’t forget to follow us on Instagram and Twitter for even more inspiring wedding ideas!
