As maid of honor, you play an important role in making your loved one’s wedding a beautiful day to remember. That responsibility also comes with a fair amount of pressure, but there’s no need to worry! We’ve assembled the key tips and need-to-know responsibilities so you can be the perfect maid of honor.
4 Pre-wedding Duties
1. Helping Plan the Wedding:
Your duties as the maid of honor begin well before the wedding day. Although you (probably) aren’t the wedding planner, the bride may ask for your assistance in some of the following tasks:
- Addressing invitations.
- Choosing the ideal wedding colors.
- Setting up a registry.
2. Planning a Prewedding Party:
Part of your job is to plan the bridal shower, and – if the bride wants one– a bachelorette party. Here are a few things to mark off your checklist when planning these events:
- Ask the bride what she wants. Planning a wedding can be very stressful, so help the bride relax during her shower and/or bachelorette party by planning activities you know she’ll feel comfortable and have fun with.
- Choose a party venue suited to the bride’s taste. Does the bride like large gatherings or prefer an intimate group of friends? Choosing the venue of the bridal shower or bachelorette party includes estimating the number of people that will attend, choosing a location everyone can access, and that will comfortably accommodate the crowd.
- Send out invitations. Let guests know when and where the shower/bachelorette party will be six to eight weeks before the event. This gives everyone time to check their calendars and get back to you. It is especially important that out-of-towners be able to make arrangements if they plan to attend.
- Monitor RSVPs. Keep track of who plans to make it to the event. This will make sure there is adequate seating, food, and transportation if needed.
- Help guests choose the right gifts. For the shower, assist the bride in setting up a registry if she prefers.
- Keep track of gifts. Keep a list of each gift the bride receives and who the gift is from. This makes sending thank you notes much easier (which is another task you might consider assisting with).
3. Shopping for Dresses:
As the maid of honor, your ultimate goal is to help the bride fulfill her vision for the big day. This includes helping the bride choose the bridesmaids’ gowns, and it may even include shopping for that all-important article of clothing — the wedding dress.
When selecting the bridesmaids’ dresses, you can also reduce the bride’s stress by helping her select jewelry and accessories.
When finding your own maid of honor dress, keep in mind that it is standard for the maid of honor to pay for her own outfit, including shoes. Make sure the other bridesmaids know their financial responsibilities as members of the wedding party as well, so no one is taken by surprise.
If the bride asks for your input in choosing her wedding dress, great! See if she has a particular style or designer in mind, and find out the budget. The more details you can gather, the easier it will be to help her find a great wedding dress. If she doesn’t yet know what she’s looking for, that’s alright! You can help her select a handful of different gowns to try on, keep note of what she likes, and work together to hunt down the perfect one.
4. Leading the Other Bridesmaids
The maid of honor often helps coordinate transportation and arrange lodging for guests and those in the wedding. She also leads the other bridesmaids by making sure they:
- Attend their fittings
- Attend the rehearsal
- Have their hair and makeup done
- Have the right bouquet
- Are kept on schedule
On the Big Day
Wedding days often involve a bit of chaos, so if things aren’t perfect try not to be hard on yourself! Do what you can to keep the bride laughing and smiling, ask how you can help, and be ready to jump in when necessary.
The following checklist will make sure you pass your maid of honor duties with flying colors.
Before the Ceremony:
- Show up early the day of the wedding, just in case you need to lend a helping hand in an unexpected task.
- Make sure the other bridesmaids are on track, including getting their hair and makeup done on time.
- Arrange the bride’s veil and train. Depending on the type of gown, you may need to do this both before and during the ceremony. The wedding planner will help you with this at the rehearsal so you can do it seamlessly during the ceremony if needed.
During the Ceremony:
- Arrange the bride’s dress or veil after she reaches the alter.
- Hold the bride’s bouquet during the exchange of vows.
- Hold the groom’s ring if needed.
- Sign as witness. Put your signature, along with the best man’s, on the marriage license to confirm the couple said “I do” in your presence.
During the Reception:
- Help the bride change out of her gown and into her reception dress.
- Keep the reception running smoothly by directing guests to their seats, the restrooms, where to place gifts, and offering to have them sign the guest book.
- Put on your dancing shoes. You may be asked to dance with the best man, the groom, and other groomsmen throughout the formal dances. This will all be rehearsed beforehand.
- Make a toast. Sometimes the maid of honor may give a short speech following the best man’s toast. If you are not comfortable with public speaking, take a deep breath. Your toast can be short and sweet. Keep your eyes on the couple and focus on speaking directly to them. This helps your words come from the heart and blurs out the rest of the crowd.
While being a maid of honor involves many responsibilities, it is also a privilege to know you’ve made the bride’s wedding a special and memorable event.
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