You may know all of the etiquette involved with attending a wedding, but what about when you can’t attend? Even if you’d love to celebrate your friend’s special day, life has a way of sneaking up on us. Sometimes, it’s just not possible. If going to your friend’s wedding is no longer an option, there are several ways you can express your congratulations and show them some love.
Let Them Know ASAP
If you know upfront
Once you’re certain that you can’t attend your friend’s wedding, contact them right away. Planning a wedding involves some serious effort — help reduce your friend’s stress by ensuring no one saves a seat for you.
Letting them know requires more than a Facebook notification on the event page. If the wedding invitation includes a response card, mail that to your friend at the earliest opportunity, preferably by priority mail. You may also choose to enclose a card expressing your thanks for the invitation, your regrets you will be unable to make it, and your congratulations to the happy couple.
Make sure your friend has your answer by following up with a phone call or letting them know in person.
If your plans change
If you RSVPed initially and later find yourself unable to attend, you should exert even more effort to be sure your friend and those planning the wedding know. Send a card expressing gratitude for the invitation and your apologies for the change of plans. Call your friend. Email the wedding planner. Take every possible step to guarantee you’re crossed off the list of attendees.
Congratulate Your Friend in Person
Technology makes long-distance communication a piece of cake nowadays. However, there are still some things that are best communicated face to face. You may not be able to attend the ceremony, but don’t worry! There are still other opportunities besides the wedding itself to congratulate your friend in person.
Attend the shower, rehearsal dinner or reception
Assuming it does not place any burden on your friend, attend a bridal shower, the rehearsal dinner, or the reception if you can. These occasions give you the opportunity to celebrate your friend’s upcoming nuptials outside of the ceremony.
Take advantage of this time to present your friend with a cool wedding gift if appropriate. Or if you choose not to purchase a gift, a beautiful card is a classy way to express your well-wishes.
Take the couple out to dinner
Consider taking the couple out to dinner as a means of congratulating them. This provides an opportunity to celebrate and connect with your friend’s future spouse. If both partners can’t make it, still offer to treat your friend. Some people do not wish to burden guests or loved ones with a registry, but you can gift your friend with a good meal. This gesture also shows that you value your friendship and value making time for your friend, even if you can’t do so on the actual date of the wedding.
Don’t forget to make a reservation in advance — your friend will be busy with wedding planning, and might be lacking in the time department!
Host them at your home
If you live far away from your friend, offer to host the couple at a later date or when they are next in town. You can use this opportunity to treat them to a meal and to spend an evening together in the comfort of your home. You may also choose to invite them for an extended stay, especially if you rarely see one another due to distance. This offers plenty of opportunities to catch up with your friend and to bond with his or her new spouse!
Send a Wedding Gift and Card
Sometimes circumstances prevent in-person contact with your friend. You might be out of the country or simply live too far away, or your schedules never align. A wedding gift conveys your thanks and appreciation for the invitation, and reminds the couple that you are thinking about them and wish them the best down the road.
Check the registry
Wedding registries take the guesswork out of choosing an appropriate gift. A registry often includes options in varying price ranges, so determine what’s within your budget and select one that you like. You can also ask someone who knows your friend well (a family member or best friend type) which gift in your price range would be most appreciated.
If you find that the listings exceed your budget, talk to a friend or family member about splitting the cost of a gift.
Use a gift wrap service
Most retailers, including online orders, offer a gift wrap service. A beautifully decorated package shows you have put thought and effort into the gift and its presentation. This is a lovely alternative to shipping something in a plain brown box.
Include a thoughtful card
Always include a card with your gift. If you are mailing the gift yourself, use the card to send a handwritten message to your friend. If you have an online order shipping directly to your friend’s address, consider enclosing a customized card or message.
Use priority mail
Your gift may lose some of its luster if it arrives damaged. Ensure it’s protected and packaged properly by sending it via priority mail. Not to mention, this will expedite the sometimes lengthy delivery process– guaranteeing your friend receives their wedding gift in a timely manner. Even if you’re only sending a card, paying a bit a more for postage is a nice gesture that won’t go unnoticed.
If you’re still confused about what kind of gift to send, it never hurts to brush up on your wedding gift etiquette. You may not be able to celebrate your friend’s marriage at the actual ceremony, but there are many ways to express your congratulations and support. Have you had to miss a friend’s wedding? How did you handle the situation? Let us know in the comments.
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